As I look through different things I’ve written over the last several years, I have noticed a phrase that appears over and over.
“He is faithful”
God is faithful. He has been with me through every unknown, every change of plan, through joy and tears.
He has been faithful as I have navigated international moves. Visa processes. New jobs. He has been with me through language learning. Tired days. Stacks of dishes and laundry. He has provided finances. Housing. Friendships.
He has been faithful in the past. I have no reason to doubt him as I move into the future.
Yet, I still get scared.
Over the last year, I have figured out just how many synonyms there are for the word fear. Uneasy, on edge, and nervous are very different from terrified or paralyzed. There are probably 100 words that fall in that spectrum somewhere. I have felt them all.
There have been the mornings where the bravest thing I could do was leave my house. Or look people in the eye. Or smile at the people around me.
There were days where I thought the fear was going to consume me. Days where I thought it would be impossible for me to ever feel normal again. In those days, He was and continues to be faithful.
I am still living with many unknowns. There are still days where I battle against my fear. I’ve decided I can live with a little fear, because my fear is what pushes me to trust His faithfulness even more. In a few months from now, I will be able to look back again and see the same words that I have written so many times.
He is faithful.