Back on day three I talked a little bit about goodness and Psalm 23. David ends that Psalm saying “surely goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life.” I had hope that goodness would follow me. Over the last several months, here are the ways I have seen goodness follow me.
~ I had a safe home to come back to. My parents welcomed me back without hesitation.
~ I have been able to process and heal much more quickly than I had anticipated.
~ I have been given ways through online community to be using my strengths even when I didn’t have the energy to get up off the couch.
~ I was able to go to Guatemala and help at a school there. The international travel wasn’t completely taken away from me during this time of recovering.
~ I found a church where I could feel welcomed and relatively anonymous at the same time. This is what I have needed while I heal.
~ Even at my lowest points, I am able to look back and see God’s hand. He gave good moments even when life was falling apart.
~ I have a lot of good memories of my time in Japan.
~ I was just trying to survive. The choices I made put me in an ideal place to heal. My only explanation is God’s guidance. I had no idea what I was doing.
~ God in His goodness made me incredibly stubborn. I lost a lot, but I could leave with my head held high.
This is by no means an exhaustive list. I have been overwhelmed and surrounded by goodness. This is not goodness that means bad things never happened and never will happen. I have also faced things that have been heartbreaking and evil and wrong. I have seen things that I will not be able to understand this side of heaven how God could allow them. I have experienced a goodness that threads itself through all the heartbreak and hurt. This is a goodness that no amount of bad can make it go away. It is the stubborn, relentless, and faithful goodness of a God who desperately loves me.