The Lord builds up Jerusalem
he gathers the outcasts of Israel
He heals the brokenhearted
and binds up their wounds
He determines the number of the stars;
he gives to all of them their names
Great is our Lord, and abundant in power;
his understanding is beyond measure.
The LORD lifts up the humble,
he casts the wicked to the ground.
My Bible falls open to this Psalm. There are tear stains on the page. I never stopped believing that he would bind up the wounds of the brokenhearted. I knew he was a God who would bring the outcast to himself. I cried because there was no time limit given to the outcast and the brokenhearted part. It felt like my soul had been shattered into a million pieces. It seemed impossible for it to ever be put back together.
I had been looking at these verses as if it was one or the other. I was outcast and wounded and broken. I wanted to be gathered in, to have my wounds bound and to be healed. I’m starting to wonder if this is a twisted idea.
God is not allowing me to become wounded and broken so He can come in and heal and restore. It isn’t a cycle where He comes in to save the day only after the wounding and breaking. It isn’t one or the other. It is both at the same time.
God is saddened by the brokenness in my life, both because of my choices and what was done to me. He may be using and reshaping the hurt and the pain into something beautiful, but He does not look at it as acceptable and necessary. He did not let me sit in pain until I learned all the lessons I needed to learn. (Let’s face it…I’m never going to get to the point where I’ve learned all the lessons). He was with me even at the most painful moments, quietly picking up the pieces and gently putting my shattered heart back together.
I will always carry the scars from these times, but He took the death out of the words spoken to me. They still wounded, but they did not kill.
I have received wholeness not in the sense that my life has been put back together. I still have a road to healing ahead of me. Whether later in my life I am left again with a shattered heart or if I am restored to perfect circumstances, the important part is how I am loved by a powerful and gracious God who will never see me as too brokenhearted to be restored by His love.